The End of an Era

I am officially announcing my huge announcement that is going to change each and every one of your lives.

Okay so that might be a little dramatic. I have been told that I do have a tendency of being over dramatic. To which I promptly cried out, punched the guy in the guts, started wailing and denying it profusely, punched him again, then married him.

Oh yes...the announcement....well after 9 years at my current job...I am starting a new job next Monday, a new...FULL TIME job.

Now, this job is a fantastic opportunity for me, and I am very excited about the idea of learning new things and expanding my career. The company and office is amazing, the people are fantastic, and there is flexibility there for me with my kids.

But I am going to miss the hell out of my current job, and the wonderful people I have been privileged to work with. They have put a lot of faith in me over the years and I can thank them for where I am today.

But the biggest thing I have to thank them for is the opportunity to work mostly from home, 3 days a week part time these last three years while my kids were babies. It has granted me with more memories, wonderful moments, laughter, smiles as big as the sky, and make so many fabulous friends. I have adored being able to be home a couple days, while I still have "mommy" time those few working days. It has been perfect for me, and for my family.

I haven't been all that nervous about the change, job wise, I feel like this is God through and through so I am really trusting Him. But today I was really thinking about the fact that I will be full time...and I will no longer, maybe never again, be part time. My kids are starting school soon, a big factor in this decision, and really need good stimulation beyond what I can give them so it's a great move, and like I said before this is a great opportunity for me and my family that I just can't miss out on. But so sad for me personally as I think about how this time has went by so fast!

Today I am having such a hard time...it's just hit me...my babies are growing up. I am not a mom of toddlers...not even toddler. Lil'Dude will be five in January. FIVE! That is one year away from having to use two hands to show your age! TWO HANDS!? Why does that matter?? I HAVE NO IDEA BUT I CAN'T STOP YELLING!!

This, for me, is really an end of an era. I will look back on this time and smile, knowing I was so lucky to be privileged enough to have this time with my boys. It's not that I am sad to be making this move, it is time, but I am sad that it IS time. Sad that my boys aren't babies anymore. Sad that, tomorrow is really my last day at home with my "not-so-baby" babies anymore. Sad that I will no longer have those weekly picnic lunches, or feeding the ducks on a whim...or taking random trips to Sonic for Happy Hour drinks.

Tomorrow I will be excited about what the future holds. Tomorrow I will be pumped and ready to begin this next era of our lives. Tomorrow I will remember how much my kids will gain from this, and how great this will be for all of us. Tomorrow.

But today....today I am just going to hold my babies and will them to slow down and stop growing up quite so fast. Today I am going to enjoy these last moments of such a beautiful era in my lucky and very blessed life.

Happy Halloween!! It's a Mario!!

Happy Halloween!!

What is that you say? It's not Halloween?? Not even October!? Well can SOMEONE please tell my children that.

Lil'Dude is going to be Mario and Lil'Guy is Luigi. I wish it was opposite because it would be cuter if Luigi was taller but alas. They didn't ask me. And they have asked to wear their costume every single day. Every. Single. Minute. Every. Single. Day. And because I'm a super cool mommy who was convince pre-kids I would do things like that.....I never do. Hey! Those bad boys are expensive and sure as anything they will rip it and you better believe this "can't sew a button" chick aint gonna fix it. Didn't think about THAT pre-kids did I?!

Don't be fooled. Lil'Guy is actually thrilled.

My guys are slightly obsessed with all things Mario. And by slightly obsessed I mean that is all they talk about. Ever. We use it as a bartering tool for many things. And by many things I mean everything.

"Did you finish dinner? If not I'm taking Mario away for the rest of the week!!"

"If you do not stop fighting then NOONE is playing Mario today!!"

"If you get a green card you can play an hour of Mario."

"Okay sure, you can play one hour of Mario and rot your brain by playing video games before the age of 5, all for the cheap price of me being able to cook dinner without the two of you fighting, under my feet, or begging to help."

"If you don't tell mommy she is the prettiest mommy in the world I'm throwing Mario away forever!!"

You get the point. Oh and my oldest son, being the super smart guy he is, convinced his little brother that Luigi is the coolest so he could be Mario (Mario controls the main guy on the wii and controls which level you get to go to). It was pretty ingenius of him and I seriously had to give him props, so much so that I don't even make them share. They are both happy. Lil'Guy's ignorance is bliss for mommy sometimes.

However. Daddy and mommy are not allowed to play Mario with them. ONE of them has a certain "issue" with realizing that these games are "just for fun" and that it's okay if they die or make you die all the time...or make you not finish a level, or use all of your hard earned mushrooms. Deep breaths....everything isn't a competition. It's all for fun. But seriously? Playing with them is the most frustrating thing in the world!! I mean...they love it...but they don't win a whole heck of a lot....and they won't listen....and they don't do it RIGHT!!

Like I said, when I...er..."that person" asks if they can play with them and they say no. There is a reason why.

So tell me...what are your kids going to be for Halloween? Any big plans? I have been toying with having a Halloween party...how fun would that be!? Having one that you can bring the kiddos too of course but the adults can still get down and dirty. Well, not really down and dirty. Okay not dirty at all, just dress up and drink a beer or two. Or five if you aren't driving. Seven if you have had to listen to your kids begging to wear their costume every day for the past two months. Eight if you finally gave in to them wanting you to dress up as a slightly "wimpish" version of Waluigi.

Of course this whole "party planning" idea goes directly against my whole "procrastinater to the max" thing I have going for me since it isn't even October yet. So most likely I will think about it, not do anything about it. Wish I had done it a couple weeks before Halloween, throw something half-way together last minute and then regret doing anything the day before the party when I'm super cleaning my house, then the day of the party be super glad I did it and wish I had done more. Go out and buy a ton of decorations all super expensive since it's right before Halloween, make my husband crazy, THEN have the half-way not-really-very-fun version of the could-have-been-awesome party.

That is how I roll.

But really my kids want me to dress up as the princess in Mario so I just want an excuse to dress up as a princess.

And yes, I did convince them to want me to be the princess instead of their original vote of Toad.

Psh. Toad.

As if.

A Summer Love Affair...STOP COPYING ME!

Why hello lover. It’s nice to see you again. I have missed you so much. I know I told the kids they aren’t allowed to have you, or look at you, or acknowledge your presence in any way. *smack, crunch, slobber, smack, crunch* But I think my husband knows. He isn’t buying the lies any more.

Oh. Did I say that out loud? Sorry, having a love affair with these new yogurt chips I found at Sprouts.

Yum.

They are strictly for recipes, or more specifically the granola-bars-I-should-never-have-made-because-now-I-have-to make-them-every-stinking-week-because-my-family-is-too-spoiled-to-eat-the-pre-made. Long name, yummy but annoying results. Especially when your-favorite-Brewerman eats all of them. Ah hem. But the yogurt chips are simply too good not to sneak a few every now and then. Few handfuls that is. Don't tell my kids or husband who I scold if I think they are thinking of sneaking a few also.

What is that you say? Where the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks have I been the last few months? I am a woman of mystery.

Okay not so much, in reality we have been going through some tough stuff here with behavior issues, etc etc. Not ready to blog about it quite yet, maybe that will be next week when I figure out how much information is too much.  I will say, however, that we are finally at a better place. It’s been fabulous. So much so I am sitting here blogging while the boys are in the other room playing “who can be the better superhero”. I heart having boys. Most days.

So the summer is almost over. I hate this. I love summer, the swimming, the grilling, the flip flops, the watermelon. But then again the 145 degree temperature puts a damper on things like the swimming (bath water), the grilling (let’s throw some fire in the fire), the flip flops (farmers tan got nothing on a flip flop tan), the watermelon. Wait, no, nothing can damper watermelon. Watermelon is amazing even on the surface of the sun. Mmmmmmm, oh and let me tell you seeded watermelon is so much sweeter than seedless, no matter what they say.

Because I am a super awesome mommy, my kids know how to swim. And again, because I am a super awesome mommy, this excites me because it means I can work on my swim and not have to deal with them. That’s not really true. Well not all days. Okay so not really quite there yet, but close! I can practically smell that adult pool calling while the boys are playing peacefully in the other pool. Stop laughing. It will happen one day, I may be 75 doing water aerobics but it WILL happen. But I am really proud of them. Cooper has really done well and can swim across the pool now.

OH! And I have to brag. So Lil’Guy being Lil’Guy, he thinks he is an Olympic swimmer, so he jumped in the deep end with no where to go while I was on the other side of the pool. (Side note, Run-on sentence much?) Well Lil’Dude jumps in, swims to the bottom, then lifts him up with his arms above his head while still in the water, pushing Lil’Guy to the side. Isn’t that amazing? It has happened a few times actually. Lil’Guy does know how to swim to the side but tends to panic, and jumps randomly in at times while not really watching where I am. But he is much better now. Now that summer is over of course.

And now that I have sufficiently bragged about my kids can I just say how annoying they can be? Not all around, they are all around great funny kids. But this new thing they are doing….ugh. We have all done it as kids, and thought we were super funny also. But I swear if they keep copying me? Well, if they were a few decades older I would just punch them in the face. But they aren’t, and I am not crazy (yet) so I do the mature thing….I start saying things like “I have stinky feet” and “I don’t want a snack”. Sometimes they call my bluff and keep copying until I scream “STOP COPYING ME!!!” bang my head on the wall a few times and run into my closet to pull my hair out. Usually the food thing stops them. Snack time is serious business here.

Other than that, it’s been a long summer, and we are excited for the coming year. We are already planning Halloween and Lil’Dude already told me what he wants from Santa. Which is a 10$ toy. Santa will be so happy!

Well my chicken broth is almost done simmering, so I better run. And yes I did just put that in here to brag and impress you all once again by my amazing-ness. But you better believe no “actual running” will be involved.

Yeah, remember “The Fanny Pack Crew”? Well we had to stop because it has been so freaking hot here, but we have started up again. But I have made a conclusion – I can not run. Also, running is much harder than it looks. Who knew? I mean it looks all easy. Ugh. It’s a sore spot. I will file that under “just not going to happen” alongside Chicken Fried Steak. And homemade biscuits. Stupid biscuits.

I hope you all had a fabuloso summer. I promise I will be on here more (I know you are holding your breath and simply can not live with my random thoughts. Ha!). Until then, say some prayers for our mental well being, until our boys grow out of the copying phase.

We are definetely going to need them.

Grief, Adoption, and a splash of Racism

I talk to a lot of people about adoption. People come up to me randomly and start asking questions, I get emails, or people are just curious about the specifics, and you know what? I love it. I love spreading the word in an educating manor. I love beating down those barriers and misconceptions with adoption. I love making it more possible for other people, and being able to warn them of what not to do. I love spreading the word or at least understanding of open adoption.

But sometimes people are afraid to talk to me. Well, not like Freddy Krueger afraid. But more like "that's not really the adoption I want" afraid, because we have a transracial adoption...and it's open.

Now I'm realistic, but I'm not overly sensitive. I can see it and I can hear the unspoken words. I'm not mad. I'm sad. For them.

Did I start out knowing I would have a transracial family? No.

Did I start out knowing I would want an open adoption? No.

Did I do research on every type of adoption imaginable? Yes.

I have a lot of education to give, but seeing my family sometimes turns people off because I am a "way out there" version of adoption. I have two black children. Not hispanic or biracial or asian where people might still think they are my biological children in some way. Black. They are a deep vibrant color of brown that I adore and love. But it terrifies some people. There is a 'color wheel' with adoption. It's easy to figure out, the less white the race is, the less people that are open to that race. So full African American children are usually the hardest to find families for, and people see my family as the most progressive type of adoptive family.

They see my family and are afraid to ask for help or advice with adoption because they see my family as somehow "less than". Like we settled.

Well. Let me tell you that just makes me sad for you. You have no idea what you are missing, not only with my family and who we are, but my knowledge. Because i realize not everyone can adopt transracially. I realize that not everyone is there in their personal education and honesty with themselves. Most of the time, these people are coming right out of the "infertility" gate. They are tired of treatments and just want a child. It's easier to accept adoption as an option after infertility if they look like you. It's human nature. You still see the little baby with your eyes and your husbands chin. You see still see your child with your smile and his laugh.

You have to let that go no matter what type of adoption you do. Just because your child will have your skin color will not mean they will be the same as a biological child born to you. No matter what race you decide on that child will not be the same as a biological child. You still need to grieve that loss. And it is a loss.

The best thing my husband did was make me take "off" a summer in between infertility and adoption. He wasn't ready to move to adoption, so I agreed. We bought a boat. A little "mid-baby" crisis as we call it.

It helped me come to terms with many things. Open adoption helped too. Doing research on open adoption is really hard when you just want a baby of "your own". It's a big blinking sign saying "THIS ISN'T JUST YOUR BABY! THEY HAVE ANOTHER FAMILY TOO!" That it will be different. There will be things you will miss, things that you don't get when you adopt. But just because it's different doesn't mean it's less. Oh no. Because there will be things you gain. So much you gain...things you wouldn't have with a biological child. It will still be amazing. It will still be your child. You will still be very much their parents. The love you feel for that child will still move mountains. They will still be a part of your very soul.

But it's so important to grieve your personal losses with infertility first before considering adoption because our children don't deserve that baggage. And they will get the grunt of it if we don't. Walk into an adoption a emotionally healthy person, not beat down by infertility and desperate to be called a mom. I've been there. I know how it is.

And if you are thinking of adopting but seeing my family makes you sad or makes you tremble, or makes you not want to come talk to me then I daresay you need to stop, and take a look at yourself. You still have some issues you need to work out with your grief...and racism. And even if you will be only open to a child that is your same race, you need to work these issues out because adoption isn't about you, it's not about making you a mom. It's about giving that child a family, but in order to do that you can't erase the family they came from. No matter who they are, what their past is, that family is a part of your child. And when you know you are there...when that grief is healed...that's when you smile because when you look at your child you see their birthmom's eyes, their birthfather's smile, and it's a beautiful beautiful thing.

Blackberry Attitude

Remember Strawberry Pickin'? Well, this past weekend we went a blackberry pickin' with some friends. Same, delicious, lovable, so sweet farm, R and C Dairy. This is where we get our weekly CSA (sorta like a co-op....but not. And more amazing. More on that later...)

Now, I'm not the biggest fan of blackberries, they are always too tart and I'm not a fan of the ol' seeds. (Obviously I'm now a certified farmer and must talk like one?) These though, are so sweet and plump you don't even notice the seeds. It's actually a lot easier to pick them then strawberries, especially for the kids since ripe is clearly defined as not-red. Well, unless you are Nickittypickitty who likes her blackberries a little red and tart. She was "accidentally" picking all the sorta red ones and then blaming her children like all good mommies do. Luckily her kids are so darned cute that you don't really pay attention to her blackberries at all. I mean her son wears cleats to go strawberry picking (or really anything at all). How cute is THAT!?

Oh and my boys were pretty cute too, despite walking all the way to the fields and then Lil'Dude needing to use the restroom, starting what is sure to be a chain of events from kid to kid after just one starts it.

Sharing his blackberries with the cuteness that is E-who-is-all-things-Cute....awwwwww

My boys & I

Brewerman & the boys

Lil'Dude picking...he was very intent on getting only the best

Train...timeout to watch

Filling his basket

Anywhos, the boys had funs, despite a breakdown mid-through when I made Lil'Guy dump his full basket into the main one so he could pick more. The horror! Why I didn't just let it go, I don't know, but it made for some good fun.

Meltdown of the day. Of course I took a picture! Who wouldn't?

I went a little crazy and got a gallon of them plus a small additional one that some jerk wouldn't pay for since they overfilled their bucket. But I am not at all regretting it. So far, I have made jam (JAM!) and even canned it all by myself. Now, those of you who have canned stuff are probably not very impressed but I'm banking on the fact that most of you are semi-lazy/scaredy cats like me and are thoroughly impressed, completely in awe of my awesomeness right now.

10 jars of somethin' somethin'

Still not impressed?

I also made Blackberry syrup. But since I'm such a food-nerd now, I added allspice. It's how I roll.

Oh, and I made crepes. From scratch. With organic honey yogurt and my syrup on top.

Boom.

Afterward I froze my homemade chicken stock in ice cubes for recipes.

It's okay, we can't all be cool like me. But your welcome for being your inspiration.

Okay so maybe that's laying it on a little thick. To be fair I will not be starting my own garden anytime soon, I do not plan on canning my own tomatoes, and will not, I repeat will NOT bake my own bread. Oh, and while I really should, I will not be giving up sugar like my ultra cool friend Abamallama, who really is an inspiration to me.

Ok so where was I? Oh! Now we are going swimming. Again! But I love it. The boys swim pretty well and since they REFUSE to wear any sort of life vest or support whatsoever I guess they have no choice. Lil'Dude can even bring up his head out of water already this year. And he is super excited that if he stands on his tippy toes and no big waves come through he can even walk around in the not-so-shallow end. It really is quite adorable.

But you know what isn't adorable? When I asked my oldest darling child to grab my camera so I could download these fab pictures, he tells me "I don't know where it is....and I don't care either."


But...I made blackberry jam this weekend!

A trip to Kansas and one heck of a wedding

My cousin, Ginandtonic got married this past weekend! See, technically today is still part of memorial day weekend so I can say "this past" weekend. I am not that late posting.

We spent the week in Kansas since I had to bake said cakes and needed to be up the weekend before anyways for my brothers graduation from law school. I am SO SO proud of my brother. He's had one hell of a hard couple of years and he made it through! Yay!

Anyways we didn't have much time in between making and preparing for the wedding cakes (yes I made her cakes!). I had to work too a couple of days too, but we squeezed in a short half day of shopping with my forever awesome shopping partner (aka mom). The boys didn't do too bad despite Lil'Dude thinking it was funny to hide from us and causing a few panic induced moments and Lil'Guy turning three and deciding he is the king of the crop now. He has major attitude happening. Like telling me that "I not your best friend." or " I not talking to you." or even lovely "No YOU stop talking mommy." Whew.

Anywho it was awesome to see my family but hated not having more time to visit others. The wedding was awesome. The grooms cake gave me some issues. A whole sheet cake came up missing so we had to piecemeal part of it together. Then it sorta sagged more than I liked because of it. The grooms cake was his favorite books with a welding helmet on top (for this welder who loves to read).

Whatever though, it all ended up fine. I have to breathe deep or I'll end up throwing it all in the trash. At the last minute I changed the wedding cake design and I loved how it came out. My cousin Ginandtonic is a little spunky, a little hippy, and a little country all mixed in and the decorations she used where phenomenal and the cake fit in perfect. In the end the cake SCREAMED "Ginandtonic" which is what I wanted. Plus the wedding...oh the wedding was so fun. You don't know what your missing if you've never been to one of my family's weddings. We know how to throw a party, let me tell you.

OH! Oh and a got to where "the dress". The one I have been waiting a whole year to wear. I was going to wear it to Brewerman's Christmas party and the boys got sick. I was more disappointed about not wearing the dress than not going. That is how much I adore it. Plus I bought my boys little suits to match with pink striped shirts. They looked so handsome, I loved my dress, my husband is shedding pounds and looked HOT! It was a good...good wedding.

Congratulations Ginandtonic and GreeneggsandhamSamIam!!! You guys will have a long gloriously happy marriage. With lots of beautiful babies!!

Lil' Guy turns 3!

Well my Lil' Guy is three as of yesterday. Now when I tell people he is three I'll actually be right! For some odd reason saying he is three makes perfect sense to me. He is mature enough, talks great, but still can't take two steps without tripping, but he is definetely ready for three. But to think it has been three years since he was born? Crazy. I can't wrap my head around it.

Christopher as a baby...makes me cry!

Riding a camel for his birthday! Despite the cold stone face, he had a ball.

Lil' Guy was a big momma's boy as a baby. He still is in some ways, but like his older brother he needs me there, but WANTS his daddy. Does that make sense? Brewerman is the cool one. I'm the one they need kisses from when they get a boo boo. My sweet baby Lil'Guy still "fits" right over my heart, and he still has a personality the size of Texas. Seriously this child is a hoot. The problem is he knows it. He can be the best child, but then he can be the worst child. He is so stubborn, and when he decides he is NOT doing something, he isn't doing it. He thinks farts are hilarious and loves to call people funny made up names. He can dribble a soccer ball across the field but can't go 30 minutes without falling.

Spinning fast at the park

Lil'Guy loves anything Mario, and loves to play Mario. He shakes his booty by shaking his hands and leaning forward. He loves Jake and Gracie, our dogs, but loves his peg peg even more. It gets awkward sometimes how much he loves that thing. Lil'Guy will be the first to tell you if you are being "lame" and he will also be the first to give you big hugs and kisses. He has absolutely no tolerance for children that are younger than him. He is most definetely not a mother hen, if they can't keep up then that's not his problem. Although he himself follows his brother and will literally mimmick his every move. Lil'Guy is can entertain a whole room, when he feels like it.

Lil'Guy has blessed us more than he will ever know. We were shocked three years ago today when we got a call that he was born, we were just starting the process and weren't expecting a call so soon. But God knew what he was doing when he gave us the priveledge of being his mommy and daddy. Lil'Dude and him are best friends, though they will rarely admit it, and he fills our life with laughter and love every day. He is smart and adventurous, and all boy, and just what we could ever want or need.

We love you little man and we can't wait to see what you become!

P.s. No I have not made him a Mario cake even though he specifically asked me for it. I got him, instead, a Dairy Queen cake and they put Mario on it. Parenting fail I know. But he did score a Leapster because I was feeling extra guilty!!

Why my mom is the Awesome-est.

So you all may wonder where Na-Awesome gets it from. How did she come about? Where did she get her skillz?

My mommy.

Seriously you guys, my mom rocks. I don't think I quite understood just how much until I had kids and I also became an adult and realized how many people didn't have awesome moms like mine. I feel blessed every day to have her.

So in honor of "Mom-o-Nawesome" I am going to list the ways that she kicks the word mom's behind every day:

- We talk every day at 7:30am. Literally. Usually for just 20 minutes or so but sometimes if I'm out and about or if we have some juicy gossip or some especially annoying person or thing to complain about it can be an hour or so.

- She's gorgeous. Really, she is hot...and coincidentally we look just alike. So that was a little cocky of me huh? I always joke that I'm the "upgraded" version of her. She says then that there is only one original...and noone likes a sequel better than the original.

- She can out shop a personal shopper, get double what they did, and spend half. My mom and I can shop all day every day, and we have before (hello Chicago!). She is amazing to watch in person, like a bloodhound for cute stuff and good deals. When I shop without her I always have regrets, never with her.

- She is the life of the party. All of her kids (all 5 of us) will give up any night with friends or fancy parties to be able to stay at their house and play cards. It's a ball and a half and we usually end up laughing until we are fighting, then laughing some more, then someone ends up crying. Those nights hanging out with everyone mean more to us than they will ever know. She is the glue.

- Speaking of glue, she has shown me how to have a successful marriage. My mom is passionate, and they love passionately, fight passionately. They have shown  us the importance of honesty and committment and pure love. She has shown me how to be a great wife to her husband.

- She has attitude. Don't try to not give her a discount that coupon says she gets with a 50$ purchase. Don't try to pull one on her, and don't EVER try to manipulate her. She'll eat your lunch. Don't try to come up and cuss at her because she "pulled in front of you". Beware. She does give back as much as she gets, plus an extra dose of "screw you".

- Her family comes first. My mom spends most of her free time with famly. Not because she has to, but because she chooses to. They drove 24 hours in two days back and forth to Wisconsin just to attend a football game for my oldest brother. They drive down to Texas and not get home until 10pm just to spend the most time with their grandbabies as they can (let's get real here, the grandkids are the reason, we are just bonuses).

- She has inner beauty. My mom is a great person. She is the least selfish, most giving person I know. Yes she won't take being run over, but at the same time she'll give the clothes on her back...well...okay so clothes are a bad example, but she'd give her car or any other possesions to a person she loves in need any day.

- She is a great, great mom. My mom showed me how to be a mom. And she did a pretty darned good job if I say so myself. Not because of who we, her kids, are, where we are in life, etc. Nope, the real gauge to a good mom in my opinion is how she has such a close and personal relationship to us as adults...and how we all can't wait to go home. I want to have that relationship with my kids when they are adults.

- She is a fantastic grandmom. I couldn't have asked for more for my kids. They adore her. With living in different states I was worried my kids might not know her, well...that was just dumb. They make darn sure they know them and not by just making it a priority to visit or have us come....but by talking to them on the phone, and when they do come they are playing with them, cuddling with them, talking to them....She is amazing.

- She gives more in a day than some people do in their whole lives. My sister has quadraplegic cerebal palsy, so she can't walk, talk, etc traditionally. She was adopted at 9 months old and is black. My mom is her main caretaker. Not only has having my sister in our family paved the way for my personal story, but she really does show us what giving is and what caring is. It's not easy, and she doesn't ever say it is. She also showed me that it's okay to complain about the daily goings on of a mom. It doesn't make us less of a mom. I love that.

- She is hilarious. Really my mom is quite funny, even when she doesn't know it. Sarcasm is a second language for her.

- She is very smart. People always think of the stores as my "dads" but really she is half the brains...she keeps the balls rolling in the office. She is quick too.

- She has an amazing jewelry collection.Quantity, quality...oh my. There is a reason when I go back home we take hours "playing dress up" as my hubby says. Luckily we are about the same size so I can take advantage of her fab collection of clothes, jewelry, AND shoes!!

- She is my number one fan. She is the first person to cheer us on, and the first to push us to our dreams. She is our number one support.

- My mom isn't perfect. I couldn't take that...a perfect mom. She cusses when she drinks, she laughs loud, she gets cranky when noone helps out with the dishes, and she falls asleep during every movie ever made. She is perfect for me and I know for all of my brothers and sisters though.

- My mom has been my support throughout all the infertility and adoption. She has listened while I sobbed, hugged me when I just needed a hug, and told me to pick myself up by my bootstraps when I needed someone to put a stop to my endless pity party. She has listened while I waded  through all the adoption options, put in her opinion when I needed it, and was the first person at the house when we came home with Lil'Dude, smiling from ear to ear...and the first person to shop with me when I finally allowed myself to shop for my new baby because it was REAL!!

- She is strong. She is the strongest person I know emotionally. No matter how much they go through she keeps going, for my dad, for my sister, for us, and for herself.

 - She has a deep, deep faith in God. Even when she is struggling with life and her faith, she always keeps her faith. She has a personal relationship with God and in turn showed us all how to have our own personal relationship to the Lord. Because it's about more than just going to mass every Sunday...it's about talking to God, listening to God, and loving our Lord.

- She is my best friend. My husband is my best friend too, but it has taken a while to not call my mom before my husband when...say...the call for an adoption comes in. I realize how wrong that is but seriously, it's hard! My mom is who I call first when ANYthing happens. We have very little we don't talk and share between us. We are so alike, but even in the ways we are different we love each other the more for it.

- I miss her. Okay this isn't really a thing but when I moved here 8 years ago (wow!) everyone said I couldn't do it because I couldn't be away from my mom. Well they were right. I suck at being away from her. It's my number one complaint about living so far away. Now I do love it here and don't see us moving any time soon but dangit I MISS her. I miss my whole family.

You see? I TOLD you she was amazing. Now you know I can't claim all this awesomeness. It's hereditary. Ha!

But in all seriousness I am so so blessed. And, mom, I love you so so much. And I know I can speak for all your kids when we say....thank you...thank you for being you, and for being our mommy forever.

Green Cards...without the politics

So I have some exciting news. My boys finally got their green cards!!

I know, this day has been a long time coming. Green cards, as you all know, are extremely hard to come by. You have to work your behind off to obtain one. We had to do a lot of education, and work with the boys endlessly to help them know the responsibilities and get them ready to get one.

We are proud. We are speechless. Frankly when I saw them I got tears in my eyes. So many of their peers have tried endlessly to get them and never do. We thought it would never happen.

Needless to say, Friday when they finally got them, I was so excited, they were jumping up and down, and as a reward...they got to play Super Mario Brothers!!



Oh....and a green card is what their daycare gives for being perfect and not hitting or fighting all day. What else? Ha! But seriously...I didn't think these boys would ever get there. Hopefully I didn't jinx it and we won't have a yellow or dreaded orange card week...





*Of course this is all in jest, and I totally respect all those out there who have to tirelessly (and ridiculously in most cases) have to work so hard to obtain a true green card.*

Worst. Easter. Ever.

Okay not really, that might be a little melodramatic. And frankly the kids were here with us, and everyone is healthy and loved so it was still very awesome.

BUT! But...I had a cold.

Which means....*sob*....I couldn't....*sniff*.... TASTE anything!!

It was horrible. All those Starburst Jellybeans...and Tropical Skittles...even the darn Rolos, all the candy I only buy a few times a year, wasted.We had a whole fantastic delicious menu consisting of only the most off-limits-on-my-diet foods. Friendship bread (YUM), Maple Sausage, Brewerman's Hummus (!!), Ribeye with blue cheese and sauteed mushrooms and onions, cheesey potatoes, and last of all.....Red Velvet Cake. Okay so I wasn't excited at all about the cake, since I'm not a huge fan of cake, but anywho.

Now. Let's not get all crazy and say I still didn't eat any of it and stuck to my diet just because I couldn't really taste anything. Psh. Amatures. I just had to do a combination of swallowing/blowing my nose/sniffling and i'd get a hint of flavor. Brewerman was thrilled to have me at that table let me tell you.

But besides that worst news of the whole weekend we had a good weekend. Brewerman had some sickie stuff going on all week so my family wasn't able to come down...which sucks. I miss the heck out of our family. Hard. But we were still able to meet up with friends and have a great Easter Potluck and egg hunt. It was such a great time to get to know the families around the area. I love this neighborhood!



Lil' Guy hamming it up

Lil Dude having a ball



The good news is they are old enough now to do awesome on the egg hunt...the bad news is that they are also now old enough to NOT share their candy with their parents...so we have to steal it behind their backs. Lil Dude did pretty good too and even laughed (LAUGHED!) when another kid beat him to an egg. That's right, my ultra-competitive son was NOT a poor sport.

The boys and their loot.



Last but not least we put the kiddos to bed after yet another round of horrible storms, and the Easter Bunny came! This year I refused to do a whole lot. I want to keep it to a minimum. They each got one toy and candy. Lil'Dude was thrilled with his Nee Hai Kai Lan ?? Leapster game, but Lil'Guy....oh that boy. He was totally unimpressed with his instrument set. Oh eventually he liked to play the harmonica, but that was just because Lil'Dude tried to play with it. So a total parenting fail on that one.





Me & my boys.



So all in all, fantastic weekend because I adore my children, horrible weekend because it wasn't able to revolve around food. I have a feeling I'm going to make a very cranky healthy person....

Running...okay Jogging...okay fast walking

So in my Super Quest to be Healthy (by which what I really mean is skinnier) I, along with 5 of my super cool friends, have started running at nights. Well....walking with a little jogging thrown in. We call ourselves....The Fanny Pack Crew. Neon headbands optional. Spotlight and eye of the tiger playing? Mandatory.

First off, let me give you a little background on me and running: I hate it. It hates me. It was a mutual break up after high school gym classes ended.

I can ride my bike 30 miles, do squats for hours, get on that stair stepper thingeemadoo at the gym for a long time, pretty much anything else but lunges. I fully admit that lunges make me cry and squeal. But I can NOT run.

Despite that, some friends of mine wanted to start walking at night so I reluctantly agreed. I mean I can walk...love that.

Then sneaky little Abamalamma and Vanerellian threw in jogging. Jerks. Now half of us stayed walking, half jogged, so I could have just stayed walking. But NO, my little competitve side (we'll call her Nawesome...prounounced Na-Awesome) is such a B that she just can't STAND not doing it. So we did. Jogged that is. Nawesome didn't do too bad really, we kept up...didn't pass out.

And you know what?

I kinda liked it.

Now I need new shoes, as my second to largest toe that sticks out about a 1/2 inch past my big toe  is numb, since I refuse to buy a 1/2 size larger shoe just for that little jerk, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I also didn't jog the whole time, just did spurts of jogging, but it felt great! Nawesome even sprinted a couple times. SPRINTED!!

I'm hoping I can stick with it. Stupid Nawesome now has a goal of jogging straight 2 miles. It's quite pathetic reading that and some of you big runners will laugh, but I tried it on day two when I got cocky. Yeah.....ouch. Let's just say it's now a "goal".

Now the Natalie side of me just has a goal to stick with it. Even after we saw a five foot long coyote/wolf across the street from us that I swear would have torn us to bits with it's bullfrog-like noises, got stalked by a crazy dude in a green truck that tried to run us over then waited on us to come back so he could take us away and marry us, and passed a few groups of teens that I'm sure would have killed us and hid our bodies if I hadn't whipped out my cell phone and pretended I was looking at something so they saw that I had one. And yes, in all of these instances we ran away screaming like little girls.

I mean let's face it - Nawesome is super tough but at the end of the day she'd rather be shopping. Which is hopefully going to be a side effect both Nawesome and Natalie can agree on...being able to fit into cuter clothes! YAY!

So if you see us out there walking/jogging/maybe one day running, please don't run us over. Or kill us. Or listen in to some of the really really rated R conversations we have. But feel free to gush about what a great job we are doing and how great we are all looking.

Oh and for goodness sake will someone please bring us some darn water!?




P.s. And I am NOT going to mention anything negative about Traceyomomma even though she totally dissed my nicknames and was all complaining saying "Nawesome" isn't a fair name and we should all agree on nicknames. Sorry Traceyomomma (prounounced Trace-yo-momma), Nawesome just...is...mmm kay? The names pick themselves. Don't shoot the messenger. You can't blame my Nawesome for being so super awesome, but if it makes you feel better the geek side of me IS named Nat-o-nator. And would you PLEASE just walk on the darn sidewalk already!? Ha! Love this girl...

Strawberry Fields and 80's hair

I have been *ah hem* slightly behind on my posts. It's all well meaning and I could go on with excuses blah blah blah. Basically it comes down to...I suck.

BUT I have a great parenting win to share with you. We have a fantastic farm, R and C Dairy, that is about 20 minutes north of us. Our friend Abamalamma told us about it and she has been going there for great raw milk, organic fresh produce, fresh honey and pecans, etc for years. Well they have You-pick Strawberries going on right now and we scored major on it. So we gathered up the fam and went Strawberry pickin'! All except for a sorely misjudged outfit on my part that added 10 lbs to my frame the trip was a success!

A rare family photo where all is smiling...or just squinting against the wind.
Either way I'm counting it as a win.

We went super early because Vanerellian is a drill sergeant and threatened to leave us behind if we were more than 2 minutes late. Actually we wanted to beat the crowds and get only the best strawberries so we clawed our way to being first in the day. We met up with Traceyomama's adorable family there also.

My first impression of the farm is that it was smaller than I expected. Well looks can be deceiving. The people that run it are the sweetest people. I'm already in love with the whole place. They explained the rules to the kids and adults for Strawberry Pickin'. Then we all walked out to the fields, past the goats, the blackberries, and the bee farms. The walk alone is worth the drive to get there.

Saying hello to the goats while Traceyomama was doing...the bunny hop?

When you get to the strawberry fields I was amazed at the number of them! Way more than it looked like from far away. I was expecting the strawberries, with them being organic and all, to not be as pretty as the ones in the stores where they basically spray plastic on them to keep them red and pretty until the end of time. Well. Let me tell you these were gorgeous. Since you get to choose the strawberries you only get the reddest and very best. And they last WAY longer than the ones in the store. Something about this weird "fresh" concept.

A thing of beauty....

Strawberry Fields...forever

The kids did great! They loved it. So did we, probably more than the kids even. Brewerman was in particular mr.perfectstrawberrypicker with his "no stems" and "no blemish" policies. Lil'Dude stayed with him while Lil'Guy and I went off to pick strawberries without the fine print. Lil'Guy didn't really "get" the policy about not eating them since these strawberries aren't washed. Remember the organic piece? Yeah....don't want to eat that organic manure fertilizer, even if it is gluten free, sugar free, and vegan with a side of all natural. However, they do have strawberries that are washed that you get to chow down on afterwards along with some Hansen's All Natural Pop (or soda for all you weirdos out there) that is pretty much Amazingness topped with a dash of phenomenal and a cherry drop of yum-o (no manure added).

But seriously? The kids and I got to pick our own fresh strawberries?? How awesome is that!? They got to see where their food comes from while eating strawberries that are literally red all the way inside and out and the perfect sweetness. I love living here!!

Lil'Dude smile and show me your teeth! Okay...well I guess technically...

Yes I was holding my hair down

Picking only the best

Did I mention how windy it was that day? No? Well they say a picture is worth a thousand words...

The hair...amazing!

Nice. A more vain person wouldn't post this at all but it's too hilarious not to post.
Vampire meets 80's hair.

The world stops when a train comes through. Insert obligatory waving here.

Side note: Totally bragging here but we are starting a Produce CSA soon with this farm and I couldn't be more excited! We have some BIG HUGE OVERWHELMING dietary changes that might be happening soon up in here and it will be a huge help. But that's for another post because frankly it gives me indigestion to think about it right now so I'm blissfully ignoring it with hands in my ears going lalalalalalala until we get into the doctor and they can help. Yes, as a matter of fact I AM stalling.

Guilty Nerdy Pleasures

I have a guilty pleasure....no I don't do illegal drugs...I'm not into something ultra freaky. Well that I'd be willing to admit on a blog anyway.

But I do read. A lot! I know, what's so bad about reading right? Even if I do read 3 books a week on average (I read fast).

Here's your answer: it's the type of books. I adore, and I mean ADORE paranormal romance. Think titles such as Demons from the Dark, or All I want for Christmas is a Vampire. And even though I have come to terms with my guilty pleasure, my lovely husband still blushes when he has to pick up a book for me at the library. And darn it if the fact that he still does it is yet another reason why I love him.

Oh and shout out to my local Library: Frisco Library. They have a drive thru book lane where you can drop off and pick up books, a great story time, and a huge selection of all my favorites! I can place a hold online and they will call me when it's ready. Oh, OH! They also have digital books available that I can check out on my Nook! Oh swoon! Be still my heart....

It took me a while to admit my love of all things freaky deaky fantasy romance, but then I realized who cares!? I enjoy it, so who cares if other people think it's all smut? (Which it really is. Deliciously so!)

Vampires, werewolves, witches. I love them! They don't have to be super heavy on the romance but there does have to be some romance. If they don't they have to be really really good. I read super fast and don't tolerate boring. I'll skim without even realizing it if I get bored or the author goes into too much detail. Oh and please hold off on all things Science Fiction. If it's about an alien, I'm out.

I thought there might be others out there with the same guilty pleasure so I'm going to start posting on books I'm reading each week. Well...I'm going to TRY to post this every week. Like I said, I tend to read a lot. And I'm horrible with commitments. Okay so I hope to post once a month.

I'll start by just posting some of my favorite books / series:

- The Fever Series by Karen Marie Moning - my latest love. First book was eh but the next ones made fall more and more in love with it.
- Sookie Stackhouse by Charlene Harris
- Immortals After Dark by Kresley Cole - ADORE this but heavy on romance.
- Night Huntress by Jeanine Frost
- Mercy Thompson Series by Patricia Briggs - pretty much everything by her I like, this is more werewolves plus a little bit of everything
- The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Series (awesome but very very detailed...some parts were boring)
- The Tale of the Vampire Bride by Rhiannon Frater - this was more dark but it was awesome.
- Harry Potter by J.K.Rowling (a rare non-romance I loved but her fantasy world was amazing!)
- Night Huntress by Jeaniene Frost

I did like Twilight also but frankly it's a little too teenage for me. I mean for goodness sakes just get it on already! Ha! No kidding....okay kind of kidding. Okay not at all. Bella is a little too immature and whiny for me also. Dude, desperate much?

I don't ONLY read paranormal romance but it is my favorite style. I mostly get my books from the library but now I have a Nook so I buy them there also. I'm just super duper cheap so I tend to rent more. I love all kids of book and when I get sick of one genre I jump to the next. But I will always love a good paranormal romance. Oh and save your books that make you think. I don't really "do" thinking. Shocker, I know.

So there it is. My confession. Under all this fabulousness, I'm really a nerd. A dirty dirty nerd that reads dirty dirty books.

The Month of Zero Expenses

Okay so can I just be honest here? I so don't want to blog about this.

Why blog at all? Well because I'm a blabbermouth who can out-talk a thirteen year old after that omg-cute guy just told her he wanted to go out with her which really just means go to the movies and say their together while standing 12 feet apart and giggling. Well, at least that is what it USED to mean...nowadays it's basically second base. *sigh* I hate that, but I digress...

Why blog about THIS at all? I want to be accountable. Much like the food journal I'll never have since I snack way too much and like to lie to myself. A lot. I'm a size 6 in my head.

But I'm doing the blog anyway. Why? Because our budget will be tighter with three kids, plus we won't have the energy to go out to eat with three babies...okay one baby and two toddlers....okay okay, one baby, one toddler, and one child. *SOB*, NO three babies. You can't stop me. They are my babies. So there.

Plus we have an adoption to pay for over here, so we need to scrimp and scrape everything we can to help us prepare for that cost. Like literally scrape. If you could see my bank account it'd be all fed up with scratches and chunks taken out.

To start us off right we did a heavy grocery shop these two weeks. Remember The Nat-o-Planner post? Well, that is still in full swing but we have started the habit of going out to eat once or twice during the weekend and some lunches during the week. Nothing crazy but still, it adds up. Especially when we will have three kids in daycare *GAG*.

So today is day 1. What is saving us so far is we have a rocking menu this week. This is important I think in meal planning. If you aren't excited about what you are planning to eat chances are you wont want to make it. That also means we planned on two "fun" days. Or as we call them - splurge days. Since we are on a constant diet, we take one day a week and eat whatever we want. Normally we eat out, but instead we are deciding on a yummy meal (or two) we'll make at home. This week it's pulled pork with baked beans for dinner and Cinnamon Toast Crunch French Toast with bacon and eggs for breakfast. I told you it was splurge day. Plus I get coffee!!! One day I'll tell you why that excites me so much.

So far, so good. Yes yes it's day 1 but still, I think we rock.

This weekend will be hard. And this isn't just about food either, though you wouldn't know it by reading this post and obviously seeing where my priorities lie. Man you're a fatty, Natalie. We are also focusing on free fun things to do around town with the kiddos, which we have a plethora of here but we just don't utilize them as much as we should. We are trying to keep any outside little expenses down, so no bowling or movies, etc. Instead we'll go fishing, play games at home, and pretty much be bored out of our minds. Kidding! I'm sure we are going to have a blast!

I'm actually excited. It's stressful but it's also challenging. You feel like a total d-bag when you can't go out to eat with everyone at work but at the end of the month you get "back" enough to make up for it. Like time eating at home as a family, around the table, something that is VERY important to us. And most of the times you get more creative and get back to simpler ways to keep busy and have a good time.


And if I keep typing I can almost convince myself this is going to be fun times. In actuality budget planning while trying to save to pay for an adoption sucks!! But it's a necessary evil for us to form a family, and it's all very much worth it in the end.

Thank heavens we don't have to worry about buying beer and wine.

Whew.

Super hero Cake

Is that a plane?

A bird?

Nope!

It's a Superhero cake!!

Two little superheros were celebrating their birthdays and my friend asked me to make this which, how could I say no!? As a mom to two boys there are some things that are just more fun than having girls. A superhero birthday is one of them.

It was a lot of fun to make, and she pretty much let me have free rein with this one. The challenge on this was that it was for two kid's birthdays which can bring some design challenges, which is why I wanted the two guys on top. More work, but bigger impact too. She didn't want something superhero-specific such as Batman / Iron Man / etc, which was also a challenge but added to the fun also.

 Plus! They got to meet Iron Man and Bat Man! Lil'Dude was in heaven, asking Iron Man how he flies and following Bat Man around until he could take a picture with him. So cute! And no, I don't let my kid run around without shoes but there was a bounce house, and it was way too much work to have them keep taking them off and putting them on so all the kids ran bare foot. Plus...it's just way more fun that way.

I'm amazing.

This is just a short post to let you all have another reason why I'm amazing. I know, I know, the list is already long enough, but I can't help myself!

I have officially sent in our adoption application and it only took 2.5 weeks. Oh yeah baby. And that includes all the stacks of paperwork to fill out and information to gather, documents to copy, and physicals to include. We had to get it in by April 15 to use 2009 tax information for the fee thereby saving us a few bucks.

They told us we'd be lucky to have it in by then. Well. We laugh in the face of April 15. We take your months and give you 2.5 weeks.

Boom baby.

Boom.

Of course this in no way secures us a child or reduces a fee and our journey to adopt isn't a competition.

But if it was, we'd totally be dominating.

Positive Adoption Language

Okay so I know I wrote this post about negative adoption language, but I wanted to write something about positive adoption language. Instead of a post about what NOT to say, a post about what TO say.

You see, most people who don't have any strong personal connections to adoption (and some that do) don't really know or realize how negative some of the terms associated with adoption nowadays are. It's all about being aware of how you speak, what you say, and how the words we say can really effect our children.

It's not, however, about being perfect, and being afraid to say anything at all. At the end of the day I do realize that my friends and family love my children, love us, and mean well, negative adoption language or not. We know that people just don't know the right language, and being brought up using certain phrases...well it sticks with us. The only thing we can ask is that you try and read this post and simply be aware of how you speak. If I ever correct you on terms it's out of love for you and my kids, and by the time they are older we hope it will be second nature to you, as it is to us. It's about showing my kids that we love them, and that means we can make hard changes for them.

I feel a deep responsibility, for my kids, to try to educate the world as much as I can. That means starting with my world first, which is you! My hope is that by the time they are adults some of these words, thoughts, and misconceptions about adoption will be eliminated. We are on our way. Adoption is not a secret negative thing that people try to hide any more. Well, most adoptions anyway.

With that being said here are some of the positive adoption phrases and language:

Instead of: "Real Parents" say "Birth Parents"

---For Example: Do they still see their real parents? 

Negative connotation: We are not their real parents. We are their fake parents.

Instead of: "Natural Parent" say "Biological Parents"

---For Example: Do they still see their natural parents? 

Negative connotation: We are not natural. Our family is unnatural. While true in a very base form of the word, at the end of the day God made our family. Who can argue with Him?

Instead of: "Illegitimate" say "Born to Unmarried Parents" 

---For Example: They are illegitimate kids.

Negative connotation: For real? We don't really have to say anything here right? I'll just say that I'll pretty much smack you and walk away not taking the time to educated you here. Unless you are 105 years old and you are slightly confused anyways. Then I'll just laugh and walk away. But pretty sure if you are 105 you wouldn't be reading this blog. If you are, you rock.

Instead of: "Put up for Adoption" say "Placed for adoption"

---For Example: My friend Natalie has two kids that were put up for adoption also. 

Negative connotation /  History Lesson: This term was founded back when orphans used to be gathered and brought around the country in a train and literally put up on a block for people to choose to adopt (most of the time for more help on their farm, etc. The last stop on the train was actually Fort Worth back in the day and Gladney Adoption Agency was started because Edna used to take all the kids left and find homes for them. Cool right? But obviously not applicable now.

Instead of: "Give up or Give Away" say "Placed or Terminate Parental Rights"

---For Example: So why did their parents give them up?

Negative connotation: Kids are possessions or items that they can be given away freely. The birth parents placed them with parents they painstakingly chose because they trust us to give them a better life. 

Instead of: "to Keep" say "to Parent"

---For Example: Did their parents decided to keep them? 

Negative connotation: Again, kids are possessions or items. Kids are not items to keep or give away. You either place or parent.

Instead of: "Adoptive Parent" say "Parent" OR
Instead of: "Adoptive Child" say "Child"

---For Example: Natalie is an adoptive parent? OR Susie is my adopted child.

Negative connotation: Being an adoptive parent or child isn't them same or as good as a biological parent / child. They are not less mine / I theirs because we adopted them. Unless you are specifically talking about adoption, or mention it because you are defining them for a reason (say talking to someone else who has adopted or what not). Otherwise, as an everyday phrase, adoption is not an adjective, it's an act that happened to them in the past, it doesn't define them or us. 

Instead of: "Unwanted Child or doesn't want" say "Child placed for adoption"

---For Example: Their real parents just didn't want them? 

Negative connotation: Their birth parents placed because they do not want them. Most of the times, that couldn't be farther from the truth. They wanted them and always will, they just wanted more for them than they thought they could have given.

Instead of: "is adopted" say "was adopted"

---For Example: Susie three and she is adopted.

Negative connotation: They are defined by their adoption. Again, adoption is an act that happened when we finalized our adoptions. It's a past action, not an adjective. They are not any more or less because of their adoptions.

Instead of: "real brothers" say "biological brothers"

---For Example: Are they real brothers?

Negative connotation: They are not real brothers, but fake brothers. I understand most of the time someone is asking or talking about biologically. But as a child of adoption, that doesn't always come across and can sting.

I hope this helps you! I really do try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but again I also want to educate people. If nothing else because for most of us we haven't ever thought about how are words can be interpreted. I know I didn't!