Saturday, March 16, 2013

The Pinterest Incident

You know those pinterest projects you see online? You are like "WOW, that is so easy! I could totally do that!!" I have had many of those moments as we get ready for our new home. I have been somewhat......inspired.

This particular incident has nothing do with the kids. I can't even blame it on the kids, though I'm sure if you gave me enough time I could figure out a way to. This is all me baby...and Brewerman. Who was no help at all as he was laughing like a hyena. 

It all started with a kitchen table. I found one that could actually sit us all on the cheap, it just needed painted black. No problem right? I might even "distress" it oooooooo because that is REALLY easy when I am sitting on my fat butt looking at Pinterest.

I go to the local Sherman Williams store.

I want something that LASTS I say, oil based paint - he says! I buy, he smiles, I wince as I pay, then I leave. Of course I want to start RIGHT away so I get to sanding. This is easy! I am loving this. Psh, people pay hundreds for this and look at me, just kicking it out. Vanerellian stopped by and asks me slowly "You plan on doing all of this tonight?" I smirk, "Of course! Look at me! I'm so cool!" BLAH. 

Anyways, after sanding, I go out to paint. Painting looks so easy, and "is" so easy...if you are painting a 4"x4" canvas square. A dining table (with fancy schmancy legs with fancy schmancy crevices that I just HAD to have) is not. Throw in a bench and 5 chairs with a million poles each and someone should have just punched me in the face a couple times, I'm sure I'd be less sore.

As a painting novice I may have bit off more than I can chew. The round poles on the chairs were like torture devices by the time I got to the fifth gosh darn mother loving chair. At that point the only reason I kept going is because Brewerman told me a couple times that I needed to stop and do the rest the next day. Challenge accepted.

At one point I got paint on my arm, then the other arm, then I looked like a tattooed biker complete with face tattoos and a pissed off attitude. I dipped my hair in the paint lid can that I decided to keep in the middle of the floor like the idiot I am. I immediately went to wash it out, Brewerman told me to just let it dry first. I shrugged and went on my painting freaking way.

FINALLY I get done. Last f#$&*# bench is done and painted. My hands resemble cramped up claws, but it was done. 

Now time to clean up.


Oil freaking-Based freaking paint.  

Hmmm...okay well paint thinner will have to be used for my biker arms. That worked well even though I was sure I just gave myself cancer. 

Now for a shower.

Wait.....remember that "dipped my hair in paint". Huh, that chunk o' paint is now holding half my hair in one giant dried up rubberish worm like...thing.

I go for shampoo....well that didn't work. F&*#$(& Brewerman. "Just let it dry." 

I immediately scream at him from the bathroom and we have a five minute discussion on paint thinner in my hair and if it will bleach. As the glob that is my hair refuses to give one last time I just tell him to go for it.

And that is where we went wrong, folks. Terribly...terribly...wrong.

B: "Cup your hand and I will pour thinner in it and just rub it in your hair."

N: "Oh god just hurry! My hair! Oh my god, my hair!!" 

B: "Okay here we go."

N: "Okay it's working"

B: "Holy shit"

N: "WHAT!?!? What!?! Oh god, am I a blond?"

B: "Oh my gosh, Natalie, look down."

*Gray streaks of watered down paint thinner and paint are pouring down me. Except it's oil-based...they don't go away!! I look like a bruised prostitue from the 20's complete with the rolls."

N: "GAAAAAH, Brewerman GET IT OFF!! What the hell!!?! I freaking TOLD you I shouldn't have let it dry. What is going on!?! AHHHHHH!"

*Brewerman is laughing his ass off.*

At this exact moment, paint thinner gets in my eyes from what once was normal hair and is now dripping poison and paint.

N: "OWWWW!! SOB *beep, beep, beep* I have paint thinner in my eyes!" *Wildly throws my arms in the air.*

B: "Shut the water off!!"

N: "I can't see! I'm dying!!"

B: "Oh god, I'll shut it off"

N: "Ahhhhhh my eyes!"

Brewerman starts laughing again as we realize the full amount of grey that is now splattered all over me. Then immediately stops laughing as we realize it is splattering all over our about-to-be-sold shower. I would have too but my eyes were swollen shut by that time.

B: "Oh shit. It's all over!! We have to get this off the shower! SOB!! Why does this always happen when we sell our homes!? Here!" 

Brewerman then throws paint thinner all over the shower and hands me a towel.

N: "Screw the shower, wipe me off!! Is it working? Dah my eyes! I can't see! Stop laughing you jerk! It's still coming! It wont stop dripping grey paint."

B: "Seriously Natalie, this is so freaking funny."

N: "If I could see right now I would punch you."

Finally I wash my hair in the bath 5 times and four more times including vinegar and olive oil and it finally stops dripping grey death. Brewerman is still laughing. Good news is paint thinner takes off years of grime in the shower so it's never been cleaner. My hair seems to not be too bleached but I still smell like paint thinner, and my hands are still cramped into creepy looking claws. 

Did I mention everything still needs a second coat tomorrow? I also just read that paint thinner makes your hair fall out and bleaches it down to the root. I am going to be one sexy lady. Freaking google..

***Sorry for the cussing. Not really. I may or may not be a tad high right now from paint fumes.***

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Lil'Miss and the Fabulous Birthday Tea

Lil'Miss turns three next weekend. Don't ask me how in the H-E-Double-Hocky-Sticks that happened so fast. It's the day after Brewerman turns the big huge THREE OH! I decided throwing a birthday party for his daughter on his 30th birthday would be a special kind of torture so in a weak moment, chose to have the party this past weekend instead.

I had big plans people...huge....involving hats and pearls and pink lantern....rented rooms and soft music.

Well then we decided to move. Add on a layer of "we just signed a contract on both homes and are moving at the end of March" and uh yeah...stress was at it's full high.

The party then got moved to the house to make it easier. Yup...."make it easier". I actually thought that. Boy was I stupid.

Anywhosers. I didn't plan much pre-party...I also did something I never thought I would do....I got someone else to do her cake. I know, I know...but on market + cake ingredients = kill me now. I also wasn't thinking March was already almost here so two week pre-party I sent out invites around here thinking I had months to go...I even put "Save the Date" on it.

Three days before the party I ran to Target for some plates and thank the heavens and stars I found the cutest patterns and finally I got into it. It was really hard to come up with just the right amount of "cute, fun, tea, not-british" theme. Plus I found adorable little hats for all the girls to take home as well. I had some gumpaste roses too I needed to use so all the girls got to paint roses. It was supposed to be "NO BOYS ALLOWED" but of course they totally crashed the party. It was okay though as they spent most of the day outside running around like hoodlums.

My mom ended up being able to come down for it too which was so cool. We had some family friends' daughter getting married in our city that weekend so she caught a ride with my Aunt Darkla.

Friday night I set everything up (thank heavens I didn't listen to Brewerman who was making fun of me the whole time about how much time we had the next day). I was so happy with it, and it was just perfect for my little bear.

By the time Saturday came we had soccer in the morning and the entire day pre-party was running around like chickens without heads.

**Side note: Lil'Dude scored FIVE goals in his game that week. One of them he kicked purposely up in the air away from the cluster of kids then broke away with the ball to score. Whoa. Proud momma. Also, on a proud wife side: Brewerman ended up coaching three games that morning as one of the coaches was really sick. He owned it and all the parents loved him. Back off folks, he's mine.**

Lil'Dude running it in

Getting ready to score!

Brewerman coaching
So needless to say after soccer, we busted tails to get home and be able to make it to change and set up for the party. It was so fun and a lot of chaos. I forget how much of a whooping parties, seriously you end the day thinking of all the stuff you didn't do ( know...actually SERVE TEA) and who you didn't talk to. It was a lot of fun for Lil'Miss though and besides spilling some paint on the carpet (EEEEEEEK) everything went rather well! She loved all her goodies and we were sugared up for quite some time. Thank heavens for a back yard they can run around in.

Nana and Lil'Guy

Nana and Lil'Dude

Beautiful Birthday Girl

The Fabulous Birthday Tea

The Table Setting

Surrounded by her mounds of presents

Mounds of Food
Sorry these next photos are turned. I have tried uploading them three times and they are right until I press upload. I'm too lazy to figure out why it's happening but you get the drift. 


Giggles as she refuses to blow out her candles

Her Birthday Tea Cake

Every pearl in the house
It was a great day and Lil'Miss had a fantastic time, which is really all that mattered. She loved dressing up and for many it was the first time they had met her. I will post something mushy on her birthday...I can't believe this little sunshine is going to be three already. She just amazes us. I am going to post some pictures of her 4 months ago too, it's amazing how much she has grown!

Did I mention she was fully potty trained? No...well I don't want to brag...but will anyways! This chick stays dry at night, nap, day...she's like a potty ninja I tell you!