Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Attachment and Our New Lil'Miss

We were placed with our forever daughter on Sunday!! Lil'Miss is absolutely fantastic. It was crazy as expected. It was a big huge whirlwind and emotions have been hitting hard ever since. I will post as many details as we can in another post, once I get all my craziness together to post. Which will probably be next year. Ha!

 It's so unique since she is older than a newborn. She has been really really good though and very flexible. We have been focusing on attachment for both her and us. Brewerman and my little men left to go back home yesterday and I hated that. Still do. It feels wrong, but I'm glad to spend some much-needed one on one time with my new daughter (!!) so we can get to know each other a little bit.

Of course I'm running on fumes right now, but I thought I would throw some things out for my family and friends who might think we've gone a little missing lately.
- We are an emotional mess right now. I promise we will update and call back most everyone eventually but we all have a pretty powerful adjustment stage to get through. It is going amazing but we still have work to do. We all have a lot to process, her, the boys, and us. Until we do, we are going to really stick together until everyone is secure in their place. I am going through about 1,000,000 differing emotions at the same time, as is she and really all of us. Be patient with us, and please keep the prayers coming.

- We will not be rushing to introduce her to people, family and friends alike. We have to be extremely sensitive to her needs, and I will be gauging this as we go. Right now, things are still too new and raw to throw another dozen people in the mix. While we do introduce her to people, we will keep the groups small. Please don't get offended if we don't reach out right away. This is difficult for us as well, we want to show her to the world and shout from the roof top, but she is our first priority here.

- Well will not be introducing her to very many people the first few weeks, even months. If you do see me out with her at the park or store, ask me before doing anything with her. Keep touch to a minimum and let me take care of most of her needs such as helping her on swings, etc. We will be doing lots of walks and that is a great time to catch up if you want to catch a walk with me.

- I will not be available very much via phone or email. I want to keep distractions to a minimum. Our main 100% focus is attaching with her, and that's through a lot of play. As you can imagine, we are going to be pretty exhausted. :)

- Please leave any and all discipline to Brewerman and I until we say it's okay otherwise. Do not reprimand her, if she is doing something that needs it, please come and get us. Please also don't judge our reactions or how we handle discipline with her. We are working on a different goal here.

- Be careful not to force her to hug, kiss, hold, or say hello to you. If she says no, please respect that as she learns to trust you. She might ignore you, if so, remember to not let your feelings get hurt. Let her be independent, if you want to feel close to her then get on her level and play with her. Attachment at this age is mainly through play so if you want to feel close to her, then play with her! And boy, does she LOVE to play.

When we do introduce her to you, due to attachment purposes, until we say otherwise, we would love it if you would please only let Brewerman and I do the following:
- Any and all feeding or drinking. If she asks you for a drink, please come and get either her dad or I and we will get her what she needs. THIS IS A MUST.
- Diaper changes of any sort. I know, I know, this is a huge sacrifice for some of you. Ha!
- Please keep tight holds or over affection to a minimum. I'm not saying ignore her, but don't hold her for a long time either. If she asks you to or you want, please just put her down after a short hug and if she wants more, redirect her to us. This will be hard, especially for my family, but please know that it won't be forever. We just have to establish our core relationship first, then we can all crazy love on her like we do all of them.

For everyone who is asking what we might need, if you would really like to help, below is a short list of things that we will be needing in the upcoming month or so. Please don't feel like you must do any of these, but if you do feel inclined we would adore:
- Your love and prayers first and foremost. God is all up in this in so SO many ways.
- Your understanding for all the points above.
- Play ideas for a two year old! Projects that we can do, ideas with a how-to attached to them, or even just...maybe drop off everything we would need to do a fun project? That would be amazing. She loves to color and do projects, and we will need ones for just her and ones that we could do with boys to get them all involved in play as well.
- Oh my...meals...snacks...lunches. Even just the items we need to make it with a recipe (I do love to cook but finding the time and energy to put together recipes...ugh...Nat-o-planner will NOT be making herself known for a while). Or even just ideas for easy snacks and recipes and lunches. As we said, our focus is going to be 100% on her and our kids. We are going to be focusing all our time on attachment, but we don't just have her to think about, our boys are going to be going through the same thing as well.
-  Play dates for my boys without us, especially during the weekends for an hour or so, separately and/or together. They are going to be pretty sick of being home and not seeing friends they are so used to being around.

Thank you to everyone who has been praying and thinking about us. We are so happy with her. She is beautiful inside and out. I am not going to lie though, the days ahead of us are sort of daunting to us. It's a tad overwhelming to think about. It isn't always going to be easy, but it can and will not only work out but it is going to be amazing. We know that if we give this everything we have and really really develop the strong attachment early, it will make everything so much easier and sweeter for all of us in the long run.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Just Hours Away from that First Meeting

Today we will meet her.

Can I describe the feelings I am having right now?

Let me set the scene. It's 5am, I am on the couch in our awesome hotel room (shout out to my friends for the recommendation) and I'm trying not to wake anyone. I am holding in tears.

I have woken up four times already with disappointment as I see it's still not morning. This is a good sign. Usually when I'm not able to sleep means things will really happen. Each time I get a good nights sleep, things fall apart. Which is quite funny because I am an awesome sleeper and I think this is only the third time I have not been able to sleep like this because of a potential situation...the other two being each of my boys.

Now, as far as how I am feeling? I am elated, giddy, excited, and so nervous. I want to call it and say that baby girl is my daughter (heart stopping) but there is a guard around my heart from all those "might be's" that weren't. So I am also terrified.

Utterly terrified.

Because I think I already love her.


I do.

Which means I will fall apart if this doesn't work out. I know we need to focus on the positive, hope that if it "was meant to be, it will". But. I want her. Her. I want her giggles and smiles and cries and I want to be the person who is calming her and loving her and lifting her up to do great things.

I.Want. Her.

To admit that is terrifying, because if this doesn't happen (what I admit is a slim chance, but you can never be certain), when everyone asks how I am doing...and I smile and say "Oh it's fine, we know the right child will come our way." They will all know, it's a big fat lie and I am dying a little inside.

So now that we have gotten that out of the way, I can also tell you that I am so hopeful. I am ready to begin the journey. I am ready to meet her and to let her meet us. I am 80% excited and 20% scared out of my mind....with a nice coating of 100% nervous. What if she doesn't like me? What if I talk to loud? What if I scare her? Will my boys be okay? Will they like her? Will we say the right things? What if she hates me?

Most of all....oh man, most of all I just want that baby girl to be in our home, and I want to love her with all of my soul and watch her receive the same love from Brewerman and my beautiful boys. I want to give her everything she would ever need and about 75% of everything she would ever want just as we do the boys. I want to start the work toward becoming a family of five. I want to watch as the boys become just as fiercely protective ovr her as they are of each other.


As long as she doesn't even think about touching the Ninja Turtles.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Packing Up

How do you pack for 5 days - up to 15 days? Then times that for four people?

I better figure it out.

Looks like we are leaving today.

First day of the rest of our lives.

How are we holding up? Well by a thread. Excited, anxious, nervous, scared, elated, terrified, mad, anxious, hopeful, forcing ourselves to remain know...the usual. It's all been a bit of a blur really.

We can't give out details for everyone's sake. This is a pretty unique situation, and due to it, adds another whole layer of stress on.

We still feel like the shoe might drop, so we are sort of reeling it in a little as well as bracing for a fall if it comes. This isn't so much about this situation as it is just from our experience...this is not our first rodeo (shout out - Texas!). Things can change and quickly...

We have to take it day by day, moment by moment. Right now, we are focused on the first task: getting there.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

"Sometimes on the way to a dream.... get lost and find a better one."

One of my favorite quotes, and it is so appropriate for so many areas of our life.

I'm officially sounding out a call for prayers.

I can't and won't go in to a lot of details, but lets just say that we might be making a last minute trip out of state....but we won't be needing any baby bottles, rattles, pacifiers, or infant seats.

Instead, we will be armed with sippy cups, pull-ups, dress up clothes, baby dolls....and my grandpa's rosary.