Well it's on my brain constantly so if YOU are sick of hearing about it, imagine how tired of it I am!! UGH! Seriously a tiny part of myself just wants the baby to get here finally, just so the other part of myself can stop hearing about it.
In related news, I apparently have split personalities.
Anyways, yes this is another post regarding adoption. More like a confessional of some sorts. In a list fashion.(As you can tell, I'm a big list person. Is that annoying? We'll add it to the list.) I just realized today that I have done everything that I tell people who are waiting not to do. So, like a good girl who is going to share all the good and bad with adoption via this here blog....I'm posting them.
I have (ahem):
- Expected a phone call the minute after we were approved. No they didn't have our profiles yet, and, well, no our online profile wasn't activated...but I mean....they could have...I don't know...TOLD them about us?
- Bought my first baby thing....a little sweet Kimono from Gap. It's so soft and white so it can work either way. I am not sure why I think white is a good idea. One nuclear pants-bomb and that kimono is outta here.
- All of a sudden, when you are waiting, time slows. The day drags by...the week slows to a crawl. I don't know why that is....but it is. And it has happened to me.
- Not looked up one thing for our nursery. We are going to wait until baby is here to do it so I can do it gender-NOT neutral (so sick of gender neutral stuff). Okay that's a lie, I have...but not that much. I do need to so I will be ready, but for some reason this exhausts and saddens me. So I don't.
- Not stopped thinking about adoption. Consistently annoyingly persistently annoyingly constantly not stopped.
- Checked out the stats (which show no pertinent information at all) on our online profile 8 times a day. And that's just what I'm admitting to! I have also consistently checked the number of profiles listed under our agency. Which is stupid. But I don't care. I actually told myself the other day I wasn't going to except for once a week, that lasted a day and a half. Which was actually quite impressive to me.
- Turned in our profile and 5 minutes later thought of things that needed to be changed. Last night I had a dream that our social worker hated it and everyone at the agency was making fun of it and laughing at us behind our backs. No lie.
- Posted way too many posts regarding adoption and have been quite annoying to my friends talking about all the what ifs/plans/etc. if I get a baby at this time, at this time, or at this time.
- I got a call from an area code from our agency. Totally expected it to be our social worker. Instead it was a sales call and I hung up on them after a very snippy reply, completely pissed to the core of my being.
- Have been telling myself, quite sternly I might add, that it's going to take 12 months, and for some reason that stubborn person that is my other self is hearing 12 hours.
- My emotional state may or may not be a ticking time bomb at any moment. What would make me irritated before has now turned me into that girl off the Exorcist.
- Compared our profile to every one out there and decided that ours is horrible, awful, no good, and then the next second - absolutely awesome.
- The big, ugly, nasty green giant has reared it's head. I am so jealous of all those people that get matched. Which, again, is stupid, because they have been waiting way longer than I have. However, one of my friends got placed with a baby last week (SO CUTE) and that was amazing. See? I'm not SO bad. It's just the strangers that I get all green and yucky over.
- Told everyone that I meet that we are in the process of adopting. Which means I get asked constantly about it by random strangers I met one time. Yay.
See? I really suck a bag and spit out an orange right?
What does that mean you ask? I don't know, but let's roll with it.
I mean come on, newbie mistakes right? Maybe by writing this I will get it through my thick skull that it's going to be 12
I blame my mom. And dad...but let's face it...this is pretty much all on my mom.
It's her genes! I mean, come on, I was born impatient. I have zero resemblance to patience. So this is like physical torture for me.
Forced patience. *shudder*
So to everyone who asks me how the wait is and I sort of blow it off saying it will probably be a while....well this blog is the real truth.
It's only been two weeks. TWO WEEKS and the wait is awful. It's excruciating. I can't plan a single thing, I have no control over it. It's making me crazy. I want it over with. Is it exciting? Well...yes...but it's hard to be excited over the annoyance...and it's hard to be annoyed over the fact that your eyes are crossed just knowing this could last 12 - 18 freaking
But it's okay...like running the first mile of a race...the first part is the hardest?
Disclaimer: I actually am doing okay. I'm not as crazy as this blog makes me sound. Don't believe the crazy person that wrote this. She is a liar. I have really not even thought about the adoption at all. I really don't worry about it because i know that it will come when the time is right and everything will work out fine. I am not even worried at all about what will happen or when. I have just been thankful for being where I am. I also have blond hair, no wrinkles, am a size 6, have a trust fund, am turning 25 this year, and my voice isn't annoying sounding.