So obviously I get a lot of questions about my kids and our family. Most reactions we get are positive. We are pretty lucky in that we get and have so so much support. Even people that ask dumb questions usually mean well. For the most part I don't slap, hit, bite, or curse at random people when they ask a stupid question. I figure most people aren't on the "up and up" with positive adoption language and don't realize how terribly intrusive they are being.
But some people.
Some people are just idiots.
Stupid Questions. Random comments. Openly staring. Or even better, openly grimacing at us. Get a grip people, I'm not saving the world or bringing it to an end. I just happened to have children that are another race than me.
To all Random Strangers who want to come up to us because of the way our family looks:
DON'T tell me about your cousin's sister's brother's daughter's dog's first wife's owner's horror adoption story.
DON'T ask me if the fact that my kids are close in age was "planned" with a disgusting look on your face.
DON'T come up to me and tell me that you have a cousin's uncle's best friend's wife that is black. It's not really a story and I have no idea what to say...do I hug you and invite you for Christmas? Or with my family maybe I should drink some wine, start a fight with you, eat, cry, fight some more, drink, eat, drink some more, make up, laugh and make plans for next year.
DON'T treat my kids like they are pets. I know they are cute but do not touch them or ask rude questions about their adoptions in front of them like they can't understand you.
DON'Task if I'm babysitting. I mean really, what babysitter is in the middle of the mall with two kids, pushing a diaper bag, double stroller, two sippy cups, a random Lego, and shopping bags?! All while said kids are screaming at me the biggest clue: "MOMMY!!"
----oh yeah...and don't ever. ever. ask me if I cheated on my husband. Did you?----
DON'T ask me if I specifically ASKED for them "to match". They are not flower arrangements.
DON'T assume I'm an idiot of all things African American because I'm white. I'm all for people giving me suggestions but believe me I didn't go into this with my eyes closed.
DON'T ask if the birthparents did drugs or the if the kids have any "problems". I mean, really!?
DON'T ask if I have any "kids of my own". Duh. I have TWO, they are standing right here!!
DON'T ask if they are brothers. We've already gone over this, yes, they are both mine. That would make them brothers, no?
DON'T tell me that I am stealing your man by having two black children as a white woman. Wipe that smirk off your face and welcome to being just another racist.
DON'T ask why the birthparents "gave them up" (PLACE is the appropriate term) or any other questions including age, height, length of labor, siblings, etc. Oh, or if it was "hard" for her. No, really it wasn't, we did the switch at six flags right below the Superman Tower. Fun times.
DON'T talk smack on the birthparents. For this I will get rude back with you. First of a ll, they are my kid's mothers and fathers. Second of all, they are my family. Thirdly, you have no idea.
DON'T ask about cost of adopting UNLESS and ONLY UNLESS you plan on adopting yourself. Seriously planning, not "IwannabeAngelinaJolie" planning. This will get you questions about your own birthing cost like the cost of the stitches they put in you or your wife's "whoo ha" after you/they tore during labor.
DON'T tell me that we saved them from a bad life, nor assume their birthparents did drugs, are bad people, in a gang, have a mental illness, etc etc. This will cause the backup can of whoop to open. Thier birthparents placed out of love. Period.
DON'T tell me that we are good people only because we adopted black children. We are the lucky ones as we got to become parents.
DON'T ask where they're from, what they are, how many miles they have, etc.
DON'T start talking Ebonics to me or my children just because they are black. You just sound dumb.
DON'T ask me where their parents are now. I'm right in front of you. Should I draw you a map? And even though I do know what you mean, do you really think that is ANY of your business?
DON'T and I mean do not tell me how you could "never do something like that." What am I supposed to say to this. And what exactly does "THAT" mean!?
Last but not least.
DON'T be afraid to ask me questions, just remember we are not a circus display! I'd rather you ask me questions than stare from the other side of the room. Just please be aware of my two very intuitive children. I'm proud about their adoptions & the way we made our family. As long as you are nice about it, then I'll be nice back!
Every Trans racial Adoptive Parent Known to Mankind