When Parents Strike Back - Bedtime

As every parent this side of kingdom-come will tell you, bedtime sucks. I mean, yes, you could be more politically correct and say that it can be a challenge and we really have to work creatively as parents to help these little sweet angels get in a calm state of mind.

But that's a freaking lie people. You don't get kids in a calm state of mind. They are never calm. For that matter they are never in one single state of mind for more than two minutes at a time unless they are hard core fake-crying to get their brother in trouble. Oh what is that you say? Your kid falls asleep without your help? He walks up to you, tells you that he is ready for bed and to please come help tuck him in because he is just exhausted?

Pshh. You, my lovely friend, got straight up purely - lucky. I hate to break it to you, but it didn't have a darn thing to do with your awesome bad ace bedtime parenting skills. Sorry. You'll know when you have #2 and they throw a screaming fit every time you whisper the word bed. You start off in that calm state of mind land. You end up 2 hours later with a twitch in your eye and kids who are still not asleep.

Bedtime just sucks. It especially does so now that the boys are sharing a room. Giggles, whispers, random loud THUMPS followed by screaming or, much scarier....silence.

We threaten, we beg, we warn, we offer rewards, it's the same. It's always a fight.

So we have started to get creative....oh no, this isn't a "parenting advice" type blog. We have started getting creative purely for our enjoyment. I mean, we've tried everything and those two little terrors angels aren't sleeping anyway, so might as well provide us a little late night entertainment.

We like to sneak up on the boys when they think we don't hear them. It's quite humorous. We have died laughing from hearing some of the stuff they say when they think we aren't listening. We have also scared the living shit heck out of them a few times when we wait quietly at the door for just the perfect moment to run into their rooms screaming like monsters. Hey, it's fun! Plus as parents, we have to get payback somewhere.

Oh don't worry, much to our horror, it usually backfires on us as they think it's stinking hilarious after they finally wipe the pee out of their pants.

This though...this is my new favorite moment. I'd even go as far as to say it's truly a testament of our parenting awesomness. This happened tonight about 30 minutes after we put them to bed. Brewerman and I are sitting watching TV and we hear the boys, who are in bed asleep giggling like hyenas.

Brewerman sneaks up to their bedroom door that is slightly cracked and quietly listens.

Lil'Dude and Lil'Guy are giggling and bantering back and forth about who is a baby diaper and who is stinky underwear. Then Lil'Dude starts oh-so-elegantly burping which Lil'Guy thinks is just a hoot.

Brewerman waits for just the right break in conversation and lets out a little "fart" noise with his mouth.

Lil'Guy: "Ha ha ha, Lil'Dude, did you just fart?"

Lil'Dude: "No, I burped!"

Lil'Guy: "No, did you just fart and burp??"

Laughter and giggling ensues.

Lil'Dude: "No way man, I just burped, did you fart?"

Lil'Guy: "No!"


SILENCE.



Lil'Guy (whispering now): "So Lil'Dude, did you fart?"

Lil'Dude (whispering back): "Shut your eyes!!"

Lil'Guy (still whispering): "Why? Whose at the door? Go check."

Lil'Dude: "No."

Lil'Guy (no longer whispering): "Oh! I'll go check."

Lil'Dude: (Silence)

Lil'Guy proceeds to get up, sees Brewerman's silhouette at the door and runs back in to bed to immediately feign sleeping.

Then Brewerman hears Lil'Guy in a quiet defeated voice: "It's Daddy."