Okay so we made it home like...three weeks ago? Wow. Time has flown!
We were so blessed to only have a four day ICPC. These things can take weeks, so four days is beyond awesome. We were also blessed to have a home to stay in during our short wait. I am not sure we would have been able to hold it together in a hotel room with three kids five and under. Whew.
So it's been a bit of a roller coaster ride since she has been home. Amazing, tough, emotional, and just all around adjusting. Some days are really wonderful, other days are a little tougher. I was pretty shocked that we have been going through some strong emotions ourselves. It just didn't feel real at first, and that can be tough because your world has literally been turned upside down.
Third full week back and we are in more of a routine. In many ways, things are smoother, easier...and in some ways things are getting tougher.
Lil'Dude is great with Lil'Miss. He loves playing with her and plays with her dolls as he shows her all the things she can do with them. It's quite adorable. He loves tickling her and rubbing her head. It's funny watching her touch her in little ways as he is imitating our touches. He will rub her back, hold her hand, put his hand on her cheek.
Lil'Guy...well Lil'Guy also plays well but with only about 2 years in between them, things are more up and down. He likes her, but he is definitely the one we are seeing the tougher adjustment from, which makes sense as he is the one whose place in the family has changed going from the baby to the middle. I try really hard to do things they can do together, but for the most part I think it just has to work itself out. Luckily Lil'Miss doesn't take it, so you hear her fire right back at him. Sibling love, right? What is sweet is when he forgets to be jealous, he is super protective over her.
Lil'Miss is a freaking rock star. Seriously this kid is just amazing. She is tough, and she is so relaxed. She is very easy going, but at the same time she is still two. She loves opening and closing things, and gets none too happy if she sees a missed opportunity. I have literally snuck in laundry during nap time to hurry it up. She loves her dolls, or pretty much any toy really. She is a girly girl that hates getting dirty but loves throwing rocks in the lake. The best thing of all? This new baby of ours sleeps all through the night! She seems to be attaching really well to us, more and more each day. We are keeping things consistent and quiet and I think that has helped.
Lil'Miss is giggly and smart. She reads people and situations easily. She is speaking so well for her age, and getting better each week. She is getting stronger, gaining weight (2 lbs!) and inches (1.5 inches)! She is a great little climber, and adores swinging. She loves her baby doll, though it's the cheapest ones she likes the most (go figure). She likes bows in her hair and shoes on her feet.
As far as how we are doing as the parents? Well we are getting adjusting, and attaching. I am getting used to being at home during the day, which is an adjustmenty to itself. I go back to work in a few weeks and I must admit I am looking forward to it but also worried how it will effect her. I am trusting God on this one and my instincts. He gave her to us for a reason, and I have to hope that he thinks we might know what we are doing. A little anyways.
Going from two kids to three was tough too. You feel like you are on 110% of the time. I had multiple people warn me how hard it is, I completely brushed it off. Well folks, it's tough. You get over it though after a week or so. Things just start jiving again as you find your new normal.
The biggest, most difficult thing that has happened is dealing with myself. I put some pretty tough expectations on myself. I took her experiences and I guess I expected to become supermom for her. That is not only not realistic, it's emotionally exhausting. I couldn't relax because I was reading in to everything. I was so afraid to screw things up that I forgot to just breathe and be who I am, faults and all. I wanted to give her this version of a mom that not only doesn't exist, but I am just not that person. It backfired big time and made me just want to sit down and cry, or run. It wasn't until I got past that, and realized that what she needs is me...just me. She needs us to live our lives as we normally do, be consistent and fair.
She needs someone who is going to love her even if she does refuse to eat dinner because you made her set her drink down. She needs someone who will make her smile and giggle when she is feeling sad. She doesn't have to have someone who is going to do pinterest projects with her day in and down out. She needs someone who will take her to the park and let her throw rocks in the mud, then quickly wipe off her hands each time.
She needs someone who will get frustrated then come back and apologize when she is feeling stressed. She just needs me to be there.
It wasn't until I finally realized all that, when I finally could enjoy things. I relaxed and, once I relaxed, I could literally feel my heart swelling to make room for one more. It's true that saying....your heart grows with each child. At first it felt like I was forcing my heart to grow...like it was so full and there just wasn't enough room. Now it feels like it's bursting and in the best way possible.
So welcome home Lil'Miss. We have been waiting for you and we are pretty darned happy you are finally in your forever home. I can't wait to see what the future holds.
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| Swinging Smiles |
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| Happy Halloween! |
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| Attitude |
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| First Family Photo Note to self: family photos AFTER lunch next time |
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| Placement Day in her gorgeous dress she picked out! |
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