The Costco Incident

So this post is a Guest Speaker Post!!

Well...more like a "HA HA IT WASN'T MY KID THIS TIME!!" post. Especially since this has been one of my biggest fear since becoming a parent. And. It. Wasn't. My. Kid!!!!!!!!

A few months ago, my sister, Katierahrah came down for the weekend with her children, Hayladiva, Turtleman, and Madhappymadhappy. They adore my children, and my children adore them. I always envisioned my kids being close to their cousins and they are.

(Except don't tell Lil'Guy that I gave Turtleman that nickname. He would be furious and then I would have an all-out war on my hands. We already have to call Lil'Guy RaphaelLuigi. Or DonatelloLuigi, depending on his mood.)

Well on Saturday, since my mom came and she can hardly go an hour without some form of shopping, we decided to go to Costco. My love in a store.

Looking back, we were rather stupid.

But of course, most of the time I think that when I look back.

Anyway, we decide to eat lunch at Costco, since it's 1pm and someone wouldn't stop the endless ranting about how hungry they were....Katierahrah....not the kids. So we eat a whole 18" Costco Pizza, two 12" Costco hotdogs, and 3 - 14" Costco Churros smothered in cinnamon and sugar. Hey, I was hungry when I ordered. The kids did each get half a piece of pizza. C'mon now...we aren't complete selfish pigs.

So anyway, since we have a thousand kids with us who are all 6 and under, it took us about 5 months to eat. Then we went shopping. Costco shopping takes me about a day with just me. I love it. I look at everything, even stuff I saw the last 1000 times I went there. My wallet fears for it's life as my hands start grabbing stuff to buy. They must put something in the air there...


Okay back to the incident.

We have all eighteen kids running around like mad men because we gave them pure deep fat fried sugar and pizza five minutes ago. We are browsing...looking...loving. Stopped at the Blender Dude selling the $400 blender, watched him make smoothies, ripped all 14 kids away from said blender dude and my mom who was quickly trying to figure out a reason why she HAS to have buy it.

We round the corner to the meats, and go past the freezer section. A short hour later we were by the chips. By that time one kid is crying for no reason, one is hanging off the cart, one is running and dive bombing on the floor, one is at the sample cart....again, while we are frantically feeding the littlest and quite possibly most dangerous one food to keep her happy. Then one by one like a freak show waterfall each have to pee. Like "I am going to pee my pants NOW" pee. *sigh* Why they can't give you more warning I will never know.

Then all of a sudden my mom and I happen to look to our left.

We see Turtleman pushing against the door clearly marked "EXIT - ALARM WILL SOUND".

Time slows down. We yelll "Noooooo." I (having the most practice at quick-drawing with my own kids) start rushing Turtleman to yank him away.

But right as I get to him...it happened.

Oh, and when it happens....it happens LOUD.


The alarm starts BLARING. And not just on that one teeny 10 foot section.

Hello Costco Shoppers, we now have a LOUD HORN alarm echoing through the entire store. So I, of course, like the super concerned shopper and responsible parent I am, run for it. I yell at the kids to follow me and RUN and bolt it to the bathroom leaving my mom and sister standing there stunned. It's all in the practice, I lost the ability to be surprised by the antics of children a long time ago.

Oh...then to add the cherry to the delcious homemade whipped topping topped Mint Chocolate Chip Sundae with chocolate sauce...ah hem...sorry about that, I'm pretty hungry.

Back to story: to top it all off my bra strap unhooks by itself. So I am running ahead, holding up my bra, screaming at the kids to follow me, five kids dashing after me holding themselves because they have to go to the bathroom so bad, through Costco, while the alarm is blaring loud enough for the people across the street to hold their ears.

Fun.Times.

Finally, I hit the rest room, escort the frantic kids into the right rooms (instantly yanking the three boys out of the same stall because they think it would be fun to cross streams...boys are weird) and re-hook my stupid bra. Then each little person does their business in the bathroom (while I am consistently telling the others to stop trying to look under random stalls, not touch anything, and for goodness sake buckle your pants before you come out). After they washed their hands for the millionth time and each took 15 paper towels, I hear my cue to come out...the alarm stops.

I squeakishly stick my head out of the bathroom, but there is no Costco security guard ready to escort us out. I don't think anyone knew it was us, and just to be sure I started talking smack to a random woman about parents letting their kids run all crazy through the store and setting off alarms. Then I escorted all five kids (one of whom STILL wasn't buckled) to find my mom and sister that I left to handle the alarm.


Anywho - there is my "HA HA IT WASN'T MY KID" incident.

All in all, a pretty fantastic weekend with my pretty fantastic family.